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The Importance of Self Expression

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by KeatonTheWolf, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    Hello everybody, my name is KeatonTheWolf. I'm sure this is obvious, but self expression both in real life, and even here on the Internet are very important. I've come to realize just how important it is to express who you are, and it thanks to one of my friends on YouTube who's made me realize that. But I also want to thank these forums as well, since they've made me appreciate self expression. You shouldn't be afraid to express yourself, you do you. As long as you aren't hurting anybody, or causing any trouble, it's perfectly fine who you are. I'm an atheist, a furry, and I personally think I'm gay. I want to encourage you guys to be yourselves, because by expressing ourselves, we can inspire others to do so as well. So tell me who you guys are and what you believe in. Don't be afraid of getting judged. You are who you are, and who you are is beautiful. Never let the pain or sadness get to you. As furries, we have this stigma attached to us, but it's time we overcome that stigma and be proud of ourselves. And this is coming from somebody who is socially awkward as hell in real life. I may be insecure in real life, but on the Internet, I'm me. What else could I ask for?
     
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  2. BlackHusky

    BlackHusky Well-Known Member Dark Army Enthusiast

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    I think I've read every single one of your Threads and I'm impressed with your progress you seem to achieve. Your first Thread was about your sexuality and you seemed kinda uncomfortable talking about it. I know how hard it is to accept his new sexuality considering that I was straight one year ago. It takes a lot of patience with yourself and time to realize what's really going on inside you. You can be proud of yourself making this huge step forward and all your friends should be proud of you too. I know I am proud of you ^w^
     
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  3. Weird Kitty

    Weird Kitty Active Member

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    I have my own belief when it comes to subjects that some people may consider "sensible". For example many people would think that having a different than "accepted" taste or sexuality is something that one should be scared or ashamed of, others think it's something to be proud of and show off to the world... I am completely against both of those points of view. It may be very difficult for people who have anxiety or crippling insecurity/depression. But I think everyone would be much happier with themselves if they really cared about themselves. What I mean by that is that there isn't really much of a reason for you to bother with conflicting opinions with other people, thinking different is normal, it's what makes us human and "original". Respect is something that everyone should have despite if they agree with you or not. You do not need to be accepted by the world for being who you are, that's silly, we can all come to agree that in life the real friends we have are few and if those friends are the ones supporting you then you don't need acceptance from anyone else.

    Long story short, It's important to try your best to not get beaten by people who voice negative opinions about you, they simply have different ones. If they are disrespectful towards you then they don't even deserve your attention to being with. It's not a big deal to be universally loved and accepted, we maybe a community but no one here is carrying a flag, at least they shouldn't be, so try to be nice and dear to those who you love and who love you. Be humble and be able to keep going on even with minimum recognition, there are many other great things you can be known for that have nothing to do with furry or sexuality in general.

    I also got quite a few anxiety issues specially in social gatherings, on a more personal note. Although I never let my personal choices in life affect how I interact with people, not thinking about it makes it even easier. You are who you are to you and those who you love(as stated before). No one else needs to know, not many people probably even care to know. Don't get me wrong if there is any better place to talk about this it's here. Just try to not make a big deal of it in your daily life.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2016
  4. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    Thank you. I'm glad to hear that I've come a long from when I first joined these forums. I think I've become more mature in the sense of accepting myself for who I am. I'm going to try to keep up this mentality and take my own advice. I still am insecure in some areas, but I know I don't give myself enough credit for what I have. I know I shouldn't care what others think of me. But sometimes I can't help it. I want people to like and accept me.
     
  5. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    That's fine, I know that there's no need for us to agree on everything in life. I also know there's no point in worrying so much about what others think of you. I'm going to try to keep all of this in mind as best as I can. I'm still insecure though. I can be a bit too harsh on myself, and not give myself enough credit for the things I can do. But thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate hearing what you had to say. I can see what you were saying about us all being different, because you're right, we are all unique. :)
     
  6. ke55

    ke55 New Member

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    Okay, I have nothing better to do.

    I have had severe depression ever since I can remember because of the futility of life. Talking about it has never helped me, and more often than not has made my listeners feel depressed as well. This depression coused me to numb many of my non-survival oriented emotions. I dont really interact with people unless I feel this benefits me in some way.(I'm hoping on an entertaining reply on this one). I spend most of my time either playing games or working on my career. Many people think I should solve my depression, but at this point I dont want to anymore. Sure I sometimes wonder if life would be happier without the numbness. But when I see other people dealing with things like "fitting in", "love" and other complex emotions, I'm glad its there. plus, as someone believing in the "you are just a program inside your brain" idea, I think removing those things is like removing a part of who you are.
     
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  7. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    Well I'm sorry to hear all of that. I spend my time playing games, and getting onto my laptop. Of course I have to focus on college as well. I can understand what you're saying though. People like me try so hard to fit in and find out who they are. We care too much about self entitlement and worry what others think about us. I try not to be insecure, but I still am to a certain degree. Thank you for sharing this with us though. I know it must not have been easy for you. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you. :)
     
  8. Grim Scaleheart

    Grim Scaleheart Member

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    Ok then. I don't want to say my real name, but i call myself Grim ( Argonian fursona name). I was a furry in my psyche for my whole life i just didn't know it, but i aknowloged it 3 years ago but i didn't accept as a fact since May of 2016 when i just said to myself " you need to accept who you are". So i didn't have anything then, no FurAffinity or Reddit account, i didn't even knew they existed. So what brought me to this website was a Game Theory video and i saw it was furry related. So i made a account under the name "Grim Scaleheart" on my fake email adress, so i could at least hide my self a little. And then i played Amourus and i started talking to other furs and it was one of the most fun things i did. It gave me more confidence that i greatly lacked. After that i made FurAffinity and the Reddit account under my gamer name "MissGrimReaper" that everyone knew me about. Since then i'm having a great time being furry and talking to this amazing people, not even single jerk stood in my way.


    Now for the real thing.
    In real life a have many difficulties and traumas. And i feel like a total attencion whore whiner for even writing this. To start from the begining, in kindergarden i was a total weirdo. While other girls played with barbies, i played whit a chicken doll and a plastic crocodile. And for some reason i thought it was funny if i was behaving like a frog ( wtf was wrong with me) and i never talked to anybody because they didn't want me in their company ( i wonder why). So one day there was this kid that i became friend with somehow, and from that day we always played with the Chicken doll and plastic Crocodile. We would play with them every day making up new things they would do, after a while we even added a yellow chicken, the son of the doll chicken, to our little childern play. Everything was good, until 2 other kids decided it would be fun to bully that weirdo girl and her new friend. So they kept stealing our toys from us and trowing chicken doll trough the window and hiding plastic crocodile or simply taking the yellow chicken by force. I would yell to my friend to do something so he would go to the kindergarden staff (how do u call them idk). This was happening everyday and it would get worse and worse every day. Until one of the staff decided it would be the best to take the toys away. This made my cry a lot but eventualy my friend comforted me, so we would replace out play time with talking a lot. So one day i was driven to kindergarden by my mother and i entered in my room where other kids where and normaly i waited for my friend. He never showed up. So i waited. Then i waited the other day. And the other day. I was just sitting on carpet in front of the room entrance and waiting. I became scared and depressed after a week of waiting, i asked one of the staff " Where is my friend? Will he ever come back?" they just said me to go play with other kids. So rest of my kindergarden days i spent sitting in the corner and weaping. "Where is he? I thought we were frineds?" i thought "Why did he leave without telling me. What will i do now?". I just could not get over the thought i'll never see him again. I could not play with toys i love because they were put away. I could not do nothing now. Others just didn't give a dam about me. I even asked the staff multiple times if they would give my toys back and they would reply "you would just make more problems to us, so no". So i basicly went from a insane weirdo to a unlikable depressed weirdo. I was bullied the most by some girl twins, usealy the "we are older and smarted than you" or "you stupid weirdo" or something like that or some form of physical harassment. That was just a taste of bulling i would get in the future. So it came the last day of kindergaden for me. We were taking a last group picture and we were asked to take a favorite toy. I begged them to give me back my chicken doll. They refused couple of times " Why does it need to be that doll, just pick something else", but my persistence worked on the end. They went to the storage and they gave me my chicken doll back. The joy and warmness i felt in my heart was astronomical. It really felt good after all the sadness and negativity i got trough. So i held my chicken doll as i was standing on the far left corner of the group picture. And the camera clicked. They imidiatly aproached to take my chicken doll away from me. So i hugged it for the last time remebering all the moments of happines i had with my dissapierd friend. And they took it away. And i never saw it again.


    Dam my life as a little kid could have gone better but it simply didn't. And i just reilised that i wanted to write a pretty long story here so you could understand me. But now it feels like a burden to read. So i will just stop. I really feel worthless right now. If people enchurage me to continue... well i'll do it. And sorry for spelling issues.
     
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  9. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    I had no idea. I'm really sorry to hear all of that. My childhood wasn't the best either. I would get into a lot of trouble until I started to behave a bit more in the 4th grade. Even then, I'm socially awkward and I have a hard time talking to new people. I even have a hard time getting myself talking to people I know. Life is tough, and nobody has ever lived their life without some kind of trouble. It takes a lot of courage to talk about this sort of thing on here. This isn't a burden to read, not in the slightest. You shouldn't feel worthless. You should continue to express who you are. Also don't worry about the spelling issues. Like I said, I'm not going to judge you. Why would I anyways? I'm not exactly Mr Perfect myself. I've done some dumb things in life, and I will continue to screw up sometimes. But that's only because I am human. We all are. We should all be here for one another.
     
  10. Grim Scaleheart

    Grim Scaleheart Member

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    Oh thank you so much :) you were right about taking something off the chest, this kind of thing really helps when you know somebody read it and actually cares to make you feel better. Tomorrow i shall tell the rest of my story, because it takes some time to write this all down. Thank you, this means world to me.
     
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  11. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    I'm glad I could help make you feel better. :) Keep doing you and feel free to share the rest of your story. I look forward to it. ;)
     
  12. ke55

    ke55 New Member

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    I liked this story. It reminds me of my childhood. Only I resorted to violence when I got bullied.

    Don't feel guilty about your emotions. After all, they are just your brain telling you that you should act differently. Its not something you can control and master, only suppress.
     
  13. Llameria Grunt

    Llameria Grunt New Member

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    :oops: When I express myself people think I'm nuts tho :oops:
     
  14. Grim Scaleheart

    Grim Scaleheart Member

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    So i see you want me to continue and i'm very happy you liked reading my story. So let's do it.

    After kindergarden it came time for the 1st grade of elementary. But before we would advance, kindergarden organised a performance that we would play out as a final thing we would do together at theater. It was mostly some stupid children things like recitations and plays. I only remember that they picked me out to act as one of the 3 little pigs, running away from the wolf. I wasn't happy for doing it, and i really didn't even want to be there. I just felt so lonely. Only thing i had in mind is to look over the crowd of parents and staff, hoping i would see my friend. But he wasn't there. After the event we got our final picture we took the other day. So i just looked at me standing in the far left corner, wishing he was standing next to me. The day of registration for the elementary came. I don't know if i was more sad, depressed or scared. Everything and everyone i knew had gone away. I'll never see that kindergarden again. Instead i was showed in to a totally new and different place. As a little child that was not understandable for me. "Why are they doing this to me?" i wondered "Why can't they just leave me alone?". My mother eventually noticed that i looked troubled. She said not to worry and that i'll have great time making new friends. I asked " But i only wish to see my friend again." i said. And she replied that maybe i'll see him in school because we are the same age. It took me some time to swallow what she said. I was joyful after that conversation until the first day of school came. I departed from my mother as i was heading for my classroom. And i entered partly scared and partly anticipant. I saw many kids that i have never seen and other half were children from my kindergarden. They recognized me to, rolling their eyes and laughing. I knew this would not be good for me. My friend was nowhere to be seen, even after the teacher came in. Teacher was a religious old woman and we were her last generation before retirement. But she looked nice enough, she even confronted one fat kid that was crying for his mother. He held the speech about the school and what would we do. But i didn't care really, i was just drowning my self in disappointment and sadness. "Nobody even wanted to sit down with me and i was supposed to be happy about this school?" i thought. I could hear kids silently laughing and giggeling behind me. I wondered was it about me. I had my whole life this phobia of other people laughing near me or even hearing somebody laugh (if i didn't knew what was funny), because it would trigger a ton of unpleasant emotions like " Is it about me? What did they said? I hope it's not about me. What's so funny, is it me? Omg calm down." like when 3 or 2 women walk past me and the just suddenly start laughing. I hope this doesn't happen to other furs.
    So anyways, it's been 3 days of school. And i was holding my self not to talk to anybody. Because when i look at anybody they already have ton of friends. They were friends since kindergarden and nobody wanted some ugly depressed kid in their company. I once tried approaching to group of girls that were drawing some puzzle we were doing. "C-can i help? I draw dragons a lot so i know how to paint without crossing the line." They said with disgust " We are not stupid, go away kid." This made me give up from even trying to befriend anybody. Teacher of course noticed that i was alone all the time so she said to me "Common (my name), why are you not working with other kids, nobody can live without friends. You have to befriend somebody." I replied " Nobody likes me and they all have their friends, nobody needs me." i was hardly holding tears. She said "Well not in my class.", "Kids, i need somebody who would like to be company to (my name), we can't discriminate anybody, no matter how different they are, everybody need to have a chance. Now who want's (my name) to sit with them?" Looking over the classroom i could only see deprecation and gloomy faces looking at each other, it's like teacher offered a Htiler to sit with them. Eventually, i sat down with some girl. I don't remember her, not even her name since she left after the 1st grade and i never saw her again in my life. She mostly ignored me like i wasn't there and never talked to me. I thought couple of times to start talking with her, but i just didn't know what she likes or what should i say without looking stupid. Sometimes i asked her to help me with a task but she would say something " Don't be stupid, figure it out." or "Not now, solve it alone" or simple "Shut up". So she was nothing to me.
    So couple of days later i normally entered the class and sat down. Everybody entered and teacher too. Then somebody knocked on the door and entered. I turned around to see who is it. I just stared at the door entrance blankly. It was him. He was standing there. He. I could not believe it. It just can't be him. But it was. He looked over class and saw me. He smiled. The amount of shock i felt was paralyzing. All the emotions that i didn't feel for the long time passed trough me like a spear. I would scream out of happiness if i wasn't still shocked. " Ah, so i see you're feeling better! Class this is our late pupil ( his name and last name). He was sick, but now he can join our class. Please (his name) pick with who you want to sit with so we can continue". Teachers words ringed in my head. "Will he sit with me?" Does he remember our friendship? Or did he found somebody else?" and the most frightening thing " Is he still the same?"
    I was pretty paranoid when i was young as you can see, in reality i haven't seen him for 4 years but that was a eternity for a little kid that i was back then. His parents puled him out of the kindergarden 3 years early and took care of him at home. I never knew what was he doing at that time, because we never talked about it. I was just happy we were together again. He was singed in to the same class as i was but he got sick when school started and he returned 4 days later. It looked like 4 more years to me.
    So he stared walking towards my round table ( in 1st grade we had round tables with 4 chairs). And he sat down with me. The other girl said "Oh hi (his name), glad you're feeling better.", he replied "Thanks, good to see you too (her name)". I didn't know at that moment that he as actually friends with half of the class and everybody knew him already. I just stared at him holding my tears as hard as i could, with a big sad smile. He didn't speak to me, he just gave me a quick smile and then teacher stared a lesson, so he concentrated on her. Through the whole 1st class, i tried not to look at him. There was a tsunami of emotions in me i was fighting. So the brake time came. He walked out with some guys that were usually mean to me. I didn't like that. But what could i do. He mostly spoke with others that he knew. I just sat, trying not to look. After some time he approached. " So how are you doing my friend?" he said. I looked upon him. I said nothing, i just jumped out of my chair and hugged him. " Why did you leave me you bastard!" i said again barley holding tears ( i really hate holding tears not to look stupid and iritating to others and I'm doing this often even to this day. It happens when you are to emotional. And I consider being emotional a weakness i have.) He replied "Dummy, i was at home all the time you could have visited me. Why didn't you?" I felt anger a little bit "You just disappeared, how could i know where you live?" He said " I'm sorry, but i can show you where i live now so we can play all the time! I'm glad we are together in class". I sad " Am I still your best friend (his name)?", he replied " Of course you are", i said "Do you promise will be best friends forever?" (sorry if this is cringey...) and he said "Of course we will." And those 4 words meant world to me. I cloud smile again and feel like a normal person. My depression died out and i was with him again. We played almost all the time at his place or mine. We talked every day and had a great time together trough 9 years of elementary. We are separated today but i hear from him sometimes. This was my first dark moment of my life you just read. And i was so young. Who would say being separated could be so terrifying to the child as it was to me. But everything that happened in elementary and all things i had to deal with and go trough that were worse than this, not to mention the scars that i have in me from the elementary.
    Well that my furry friends is another story to be told...
    But i think it would be the best if i stop weeping around my life story. Writing this helped me emotionaly and now i'm calmer so i can sleep more easily. Even if i wrote just about childhood trauma.
    Thanks for reading.
     
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  15. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    Thank you very much for sharing this with us. I'm sure it must have been hard to share something like this on here. But I'm really glad I could help make you feel better by letting you express your emotions and backstory. This isn't cringe, it's deep and reflects how you felt in the past. I had some childhood trauma as well. It's so nice to know that this has helped you emotionally, and makes you feel calmer. It really does help talking about your emotions. As humans, we all have emotions. Hopefully your story can help inspire others to talk about themselves, and open up like you have. :)
     
  16. Grim Scaleheart

    Grim Scaleheart Member

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    Thank you Keaton. I wish you all the happiness of this world.
     
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  17. KeatonTheWolf

    KeatonTheWolf Member

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    You are welcome Grim. :). Thank you too. I hope everything goes well for all of us. :D
     
  18. ke55

    ke55 New Member

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    That's why you should do it here. Everybody here is a lil' nuts
     
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  19. Llameria Grunt

    Llameria Grunt New Member

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  20. J300MER

    J300MER New Member

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    I've always had problems with standing up for myself, honestly. Not quite sure how to solve it.
    *skipping my whole life story*
    tl;dr It's hard to find what we are, because being what we are takes a toll on what we are taught we need, if that makes sense.
     
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